We often assume that bad feelings are just an inevitable part of life, and we live this way because it’s the path of least resistance. There is another path. One that starts with consciously directing your thoughts so that you are in control of how you feel.

When you feel love, joy, gratitude, compassion, creativity, or any of the empowering emotions, you are feeling good. When you feel good, you seem to know exactly what to do, and you generally do the right thing. That’s because you are at ease, your heart is alive, and the best of you comes out. Nothing feels like a chore, and everything flows effortlessly. You experience very little fear or frustration. You’re in alignment with your core. Have you ever felt like this?

Whatever your current situation, if you’re feeling bad, it’s not because of your current situation. Two people going through the same difficulty can have two completely different responses. One may be anxious and stressed, while the other may be peaceful and joyful, no matter how unpleasant things may be.

How we feel about anything in our lives has nothing to do with the events and circumstances of our lives or what has or has not happened. Our life experience is determined by the meaning we give the events and circumstances that occur in our lives, not the events and circumstances themselves.

Let’s think about dogs for a minute. I happen to believe that dogs are magical. Well, they are lovely, at least. I have the most incredibly precious long-haired dachshunds. My dogs are handsome, cute, funny, loving, loyal, and I love my dogs so much it hurts. I mean, seriously. When either of them gives me the puppy-dog eyes or lifts their paws because they want something, my heart physically aches. Or when they come bounding across the room towards me carrying one of their chew toys that’s bigger than they are. I melt into the floor.

One of my dogs in particular helped enormously with my anxiety and worry when he came into my life. It was as if he somehow “absorbed” my anxiety and worry. Then, one day I realized that was not entirely accurate.

You can probably identify with the fact that sometimes your day seems to spiral out of control and descend into utter chaos. I’ve been there more times than I choose to count. You may wonder how it’s possible to be calm in the middle of all that chaos and madness?

The answer is simple, though not always easy to put into practice: learn to be present.

No matter how out of control your day may seem, no matter how stressful your job or life becomes, the act of being present can become an oasis. It can change your life, and it’s incredibly simple.

Wouldn’t life be so much easier and less stressful if things would only go our way?

Maybe. Although many of us are missing a critical point.

Presentations, emails piling up, and looming deadlines can all be daunting and what most people call “stressful.” But these situations are not inherently stressful. They are “high demand” but not stressful in themselves.

You see, stress is not what happens; stress is your response to what happens. And, therefore, very much within your control.

Imagine approaching the end of your workday and getting ready to leave the office. It has been a busy and intense day. It would be best if you went by a particular time because you promised your spouse you would be home for dinner.

Then the worst thing happens, you get called into the boss’s office. There’s an error in the report that is due by the end of the day. Now you need to stay until it’s resolved. You don’t have enough time to get it done and still meet your commitments — a classic example of what can trigger feelings of anxiety and worry in any of us.

I was thinking about the difference between “loneliness” and “alone-ness”. Despite how connected we all seem today with technology and the digital age, I think this is a concept with which many people struggle.

Generally, we equate loneliness with “being alone”. But is that really true?

Without wishing to state the obvious, life is short. Sure, there are things you can do to take care of yourself and statistically improve your chances of living longer. But in the broad scheme of things, it’s really out of our control and — whether you live for nine or ninety-nine years — it’s over in a flash.​

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Here’s the thing, it’s based on belief. It’s not real! When you choose not to be afraid, fear completely loses it power over you.